You know what would be super awesome for a wedding?  A three ring circus with lions, tigers, and bears, oh my.  A guided helicopter tour for all invited guests around a city skyline.  A 20 piece live band.  Kobe beef and caviar.  A Hummer limo.  No, two Hummer limos.  A wedding gown hand sewn by Vera Wang.  A ten layer cake with fresh fruit and flowers.  An award winning photographer who charges by the half hour.  A wedding coordinator that is booked five years in advance.  Flowers that would make Boston Public Garden jealous.

That would be super awesome at someone’s wedding.  And that would be super awesome at my wedding.  I’d love to have all of that and more.  There’s a part of me that wishes I was rich enough, desired it enough, prioritized it enough to go purchase/hire/rent all of it.  When I hear about other people’s wedding details, there’s a part of me that is envious.  Who wouldn’t want more sparkle and glam?  Ritz and glitz?  Razzle and dazzle?  I would!  And I could!  If the envious side of me dictated how the wedding would look, I’d go take out a loan from the bank or ask my parents for more or heck, just rack up the credit card and pay it back sometime later.  I would!  And I could!

But, actually, I would not.   Because then it wouldn’t really be my wedding.  That envious side of me is actually probably 1% of me.  I would not have these things at my wedding.  It’s not really me.  It’s not really a reflection of who I am, what I like, what makes me happy.  And it’s not because of cost or inconvenience.  If I had all the money in the world, I still would not purchase/hire/rent any of the things I listed.  Even though guests may have the best time of their lives and mark it as the awesomest wedding in all of wedding history, they’d probably leave thinking, “Who were the bride and groom?  The invitation said ‘Will and Katherine,’ but that’s not who I thought ‘Will and Katherine’ were.”

Now, this post is me reminding myself of the exact things I’m writing.  It’s difficult looking at wedding magazines/blogs/websites.  There’s so many beautiful, luxurious, and elegant things I’d love to have.  It pains me to feel left out.  To feel like I’m missing out.  To feel like I’m choosing to deny myself these wonderful things.  It can be easy to look at all the stuff I listed above, especially the truly extravagant things, and tell myself that those things are outright outrageous – in the tone where “outrageous” has a negative connotation.  It gets more difficult when it’s the smaller things – the things that might actually be obtainable.  It may cost me another thousand or two or three or four, but it could be possible, feasible, understandable.  A wedding gown that costs more than the bride’s $30k diamond wedding band is only understandable to multimillionaires and billionaires.  But when it’s something just a few inches away from your budget’s reach and your classmate was able to have it at her wedding…that’s when the envious side of me comes out.

I need to remind myself of who I am, what things I value (pre-wedding, wedding, post-wedding, and the 99.9999% of the rest of my life that is NOT wedding related), why I view money the way I do, and how I intend to spend it in the 99.9999% of the rest of my life.

My wedding will not reflect my envious side.  It will reflect who I really am, someone who is creative, thoughtful, and cares deeply for my friends, family, and Will.  I hope that my guests will be able to see that through all of my non-outrageous razzle and dazzle!