As a follow up blog post: Things on my “I do care” list.

-Lighting of the unity candle (This is totally because of tradition and symbolism.  I don’t have a candle fetish or anything like that.  I just think it’s so symbolic of the union of two people.  I also love when the mothers light the candles first.  Will has this one on his “don’t care” list, but has graciously respected my desire to have this as part of the ceremony.)

-Bustle of my gown (For those that don’t know what a bustle is, it describes the back part of the wedding gown when it’s not trailing behind the bride.  There are many different styles of bustles depending on how long the train is and how you want it to look.  When I was at David’s Bridal, my consultant showed me the different ways my dress could be bustled and I didn’t like any of them until the last one she showed me.  It’s called the ballroom bustle.  This bustle transforms the dress into a standard ballgown.  It gives the gown the illusion that it is all one length.  THIS is exactly how I wanted mine.  I love symmetry and clean lines and what’s more symmetrical and clean than transforming the gown into another seamless-looking gown!  Sadly, this was the most expensive bustle (you pay per button and it requires 18 or so buttons, which would cost about $150).  But lucky for me, my grandmother is a seamstress/pattern maker and was able to do the ballroom bustle and all my alterations for me!  Thanks NaiNai!)

-Videography (Again, this is something on my “do care” list that is not on Will’s.  He thinks I’ll never watch it.  Which might be true, but I think I’d regret it more if I knew I never had the opportunity to watch it.  I really want to watch the mother’s light the candles – see above – and I want to see the bridal party walk down the aisle.  These are all things I won’t be able to see since I’ll be hiding away before I make my entrance!  I’m not sure how other brides do it (I’m hoping I do pay attention to the homily and all the things that go on during the ceremony), but I could understand if everything during the ceremony just goes by so fast and there’s all these emotions going on, that maybe you don’t remember a single thing that is said or sung!  And I’d love to be able to have these memories on video to be able to watch it all when I”m not super emotional and can sit back (literally, while on my couch) and enjoy the day’s events!  I also don’t need anything super fancy, just the raw footage.  Because of this, we’re not spending too much on this and I’ve been able to have one of my bridesmaid’s brother-in-law videotape it for us.  So Will’s okay with the cost of it and I’m happy I’ll have the ceremony on video!)

-Engagement photoshoot (Again, something on Will’s “don’t care” list.  I REALLY wanted this.  It was pretty much a necessity when looking for a photographer.  And I didn’t want to have to pay extra for it on top of the wedding day package.  I care about this because I think it really allows the photographer to get to know the couple and allows the couple to be comfortable in front of their photographer’s camera.  Will and I are NOT PDA-ers and so it’s pretty difficult and downright awkward for us to even hold hands in front of other people, let alone strangers.  The engagement photoshoot will also allow the photographer to know that we aren’t PDA-ers and give us some slack for that!  Maybe one or two kissy pictures, but nothing like, “Lean in now!  And again!  More passionately this time!”  Ewww.  Given that the wedding day will probably involve at least some PDA, it’d be great if our photographer wasn’t a stranger.  And the photoshoot allows us to have some formal informal pictures of us in our regular clothes in our regular situations.  I’m really excited to be going on our engagement photoshoot with Jules Ko in April!)

-Flower girl and ring bearer (This is also because of tradition.  Growing up as a PK with a sister and a brother, we, I guess you could say, came as a wedding package – 1 pastor, 2 flower girls, 1 ring bearer.  I’ve been a flower girl in 10 weddings.  I have really fond memories of being a flower girl, getting dressed up, walking down the aisle, having guests oooh and aaah at us (we were SO cute), and having pictures taken of us three kids dancing at the reception.  Flower girls and ring bearers were such a commonality for me when I thought about my own wedding, it was not even possible to envision mine without them.  I’m thrilled to have my little cousin be my flower girl.  When I was three or four, I was her mother’s flower girl!  That was my first time!  And this will be my cousin’s first time!  It will be such a sentimental time for us.  At Thanksgiving I went up to Kelly, crouched down, and asked, “Kelly, would you like to be my flower girl?”  She gazed back at me, her eyes grew big and bright, a smile crept through her lips, and she said, “Yes!”   And she gave me big hug!  It was an awesome moment.)

-Wearing a chi pao, which is a Chinese dress (When else will I have an opportunity to wear one?)

-Going on a honeymoon right after the wedding (I work in a school, so we considered delaying the honeymoon and going during winter vacation.  (I only get 5 days off and that’s including using my sick days – so flu, stay away, at least until after May 15).  But I did not want to get married and then go back to work right after.  THAT would suck.  And we’ve never been on a vacation alone together, so why wait another 7 months?)

-Cutting cake and doing the whole feeding-each-other thing (Again, tradition.  I don’t even really like cake that much.  Salt is so much better than sugar.  But for the sake of feeding each other and NOT smashing cake into each other’s faces (Will, are you reading this carefully?), I wanted to have a cake.)

-Money (I care about this a lot.  And most of the time, this intense care about money becomes an unhealthy stress about money.  It’s totally because of my personality and a lot of the time it is an overwhelming topic for me (even before the wedding planning began).  I’ve never had to deal with so many digits before and had to delegate how many digits would go to different items.  I’ve learned a lot about budgeting and estimating.  I had never used the spreadsheet function in Google Docs before and now have 20+ of them.  While I’m not proud of how MUCH I care about money, I am aware that it is a good thing that I DO care about money.    I think if money was on my “don’t care” list, that would be much more dangerous, especially when 50% of the digits are not coming from Will and I.)

For these things on my list, I definitely haven’t spent the most money of them.  I have definitely spent more time and thought and emotion into these things.  Writing the “don’t care” and “do care” lists have helped me flesh out my preferences and the reasoning behind them.  Each bride or groom’s lists will be different from each other and that’s okay.  I’m thankful that Will has been so gracious to me (even when lighting a candle and eating cake in front of everyone has seemed silly).  I’m still enjoying each day until May 15, but I’ll tell you, on that day, I’ll have the biggest smile on my face, complete with cake crumbs.

Oh gosh, I hope not.


Happy Birthday Dad!