"See how the lilies of the field grow." Matt. 6:28

This week has been REALLY stressful.  I credit to the fact that I had school vacation.  Don’t get me wrong; not having to go to work was great!  But that left me with the only other thing that I’ve been spending my time on – WEDDING STUFF.  That meant I’d wake up (usually really early – darn body getting used to waking up at 6:30) and immediately start thinking of what wedding thing needed to be addressed that day.  This is what this past week looked like:

Monday – meet up with friends, work on centerpieces, wedding emails

Tuesday – centerpieces, apply for marriage license in Wayland, Bed Bath and Beyond to address some registry issues, wedding emails, conversation with Will’s parents regarding wedding photographs, order business cards regarding our photo-sharing site, document the gifts that have arrived already

Wednesday – Boston Flower Exchange with Lyh, appointment at our reception venue to finalize details and have our menu tasting (which was SO good!  I hope we have time to eat on wedding day!), wedding emails

Thursday – iron silk material, meet up with a friend, dentist appointment, work on centerpieces while in the dentist waiting room, wedding emails

Friday – clean and pack my apartment, wedding emails, centerpieces

It’s been a busy week and very exhausting.  There was too much wedding and not enough non-wedding.  I have explained my emotions to friends in this way: I’m at this high level of stress and small things that would not have bothered me a month ago, now have this effect of pushing me over the edge of holding it all together.  And I lose it.  These are the things I’ve cried about:

Monday – seating chart

Tuesday – attendants’ processional

Wednesday – grandparents not coming to my wedding

Thursday – no tears!

Friday – being exhausted, not knowing how to stop, and being overwhelmed (all in front of my caring small group)

Now, some of these things do seem small.  But when compounded with the overall current stress level and knowing that I only have 21 days left, produces a little bit of extra emotion.

Yesterday at small group, we discussed worry.  We looked at Matthew 6:25-34.  The verse that struck me was verse 32, “For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them.”  The two words that popped out to me were “run” and “knows.”  I felt like there is such a contrast between these two verbs.  In “run,” the person is moving, probably around and around, here and there, maybe not even knowing where to go, expending so much energy, and probably ending up exhausted.  In “knows,” God just thinks.  He doesn’t even move a muscle.  He just sits there, and simply, thinks.  And that’s it.

I’ve been the runner.  I look at my to-do list and run.  When something gets in my way or there’s a detour, I don’t stop.  I just run around it or run in another direction.  And that is exhausting.  It’s draining physically, emotionally, spiritually, relationally…  But I just can’t stop running.  I feel like if I’m not running, I’m not doing anything.

And that’s it.  Exactly it.

Sometimes, I actually can’t do anything.  I actually shouldn’t do anything.  I need to stop.  Think.  Know that God knows.  And trust that.  Find comfort in it.  Release some of my desire for control over something that isn’t in my control.

The Soul Training for this week is prayer.  It asks us to turn our “cares into prayers.”  It gives a suggestion to write down the things you’re anxious about, make a note to yourself to do the things you can do, and then turn everything else over to God.

That’s what I’ve been missing – turning the rest over to God.  I’ve been taking the rest and running.  I can’t do that anymore.  I need to stop running.  I need to know that God knows what I need.  I refuse to have puffy eyes at the altar!

I will try to remember this in the next three weeks.  I’m packing and moving my life into a new apartment by the end of this week.  It’s going to be very busy, with a lot of new and exciting changes.  I’m ready to do what I need to do and leave the rest to Him.

Thanks to all who have encouraged me this week.  I really appreciate it.