People have been asking me, “How is it with two kids now?”

Today, D woke up at 3:15am. I held a pacifier in his mouth as he wiggled it around while rocking him in his swing. He fell asleep, I took pacifier out, stopped swinging him, and he awoke. Did this two more times before he finally got the message that it was not morning. I went back to bed. He awoke at 5am. I changed and fed him. I went back to bed. T’s daycare called at 6am saying she was sick and was closed. (T has been home the last two days because of his own illness.) Go back to sleep until 7:45am. T wakes up. Dad gets him up. I feed T breakfast. He goes to timeout for wanting “uppies” but only if I am standing up and since I refuse, he hits me. I eat breakfast with T on my lap as he has demanded. I get showered and dressed in 8mins as I have not showered in 2 days. D is crying to be fed. Trying to nurse him as T is demanding “uppies.” Important work call comes in that I have been waiting for for the last 7 days and I tell them I have to call them back in a few minutes. (It is hard to concentrate with an infant sucking on your front and a toddler shouting at your side.) Dad brings T to MIL (thank God) for the morning. T is crying for me as he leaves. D finished nursing and I make my phone call. Get D into carseat and we run errands. Overwhelmed with mom-guilt and frustrated with the last 2 hours’s events, I call my sister and cry on I-95. Get stuck in crowded supermarket and in traffic in Burlington. Call in for takeout from Indian restaurant. Pick up food and T. Home. Unload and put away groceries with T demanding the blueberries he sees in the bag. I give him some but then he demands more. I cut him an apple instead but I cut the big piece in half and I “apparently” ruined the world and he swats the apples off the plate and onto the floor. Timeout. Change diaper. D is now crying to get out of carseat. Change diaper. I am sitting on the couch, holding D in my right arm. T asks for “uppies” and I haul him up next to me. He is eating an apple piece. He coughs, gags, then throws up. My left hand catches 15% of it (yes, I calculated it), 80% ends up on the front of his shirt and pants, 5% ends up on the couch, sliding down toward my pants. Here I am with a crying baby on the right, a pukey toddler on the left, vomit in my hand, and weighing the pros and cons of puke on my pants or sliding into the crevices of the leather couch. I shimmy D to the leg rest of the recliner and wipe my hand on the blanket next to me. I move D to the playroom floor (because God knows, all we need is for the baby to fall off the couch.) I grab baby wipes and wipe down toddler and couch. (Thankfully, T understood “DO NOT MOVE” and is just leaning back with vomit clothes and his apple piece still in his hand.) Used up 10 wipes, slithered gently out of vomit clothes (me too) and a load of laundry is put in. D, who has been crying this whole time out of frustration that he was going to eat and then didn’t, finally nurses. Dad comes home. Something happens and T ends up in timeout. Nap time. Finish nursing. Will and I eat. (It’s about 1:45pm now.) Finally get to say, “Happy birthday” to Will (I had remembered waaaayyy back in the morning but didn’t feel like I could say it without barking it. Again, cue guilt.) Finish eating, I take a nap. Two hours later (hallelujah), T is crying. I get him out of bed. He is requesting/demanding Ipad and I (gladly) give it to him. I get dinner into the Instant Pot. I go to put laundry into dryer. Realize that in my haste to get out of vomit clothes I didn’t check my pockets and had left a tissue I used when crying earlier. Picked pieces of wet tissue off clothes. Was lifting my arms up to shake out pieces from blanket when I cut my finger on the metal light fixture above me. Clean and bandage finger (pray i don’t get tetanus.) I nurse D. Dinner. T eats two pieces of apple and demands to sit on my lap. Will leaves for a meeting. I let T skip brushing teeth (go ahead, call DCF on me), read two books, and into bed (crying, but oh, you will get over it.) Facetime with my family back in MD. D now sleeping in swing. I am typing this. Oh, and daycare is closed tomorrow due to illness. Can I sleep until July 4th?

(I know why parents stop at two kids.)

(Ok, Ok, tiny glimpses of joy today: D slept THE ENTIRE 3 HOURS of errands. The most delicious FREE sample of raspberry filled shortbread cookie at Market Basket (I was sooo tempted to grab a second given that I felt like I deserved it given my morning). Chicken saagwala. My nap with no one calling my name or touching me. When T was playing a jumping-car-over-obstacles ipad game, the car fell and he said (for the first time), “Aww man!” I laughed – which was probably my first smile of the day. Successful, delicious, tender teriyaki chicken wings from the IP. And the huge scoops of Breyer’s mint chocolate chip ice cream and the finale of “Project Runway” that I will enjoy RIGHT NOW.)